You’re not getting enough sleep when …

As I’ve mentioned, I don’t sleep much.  I really want to, but my offspring want to be attached to my body most days, all day, like 24/7, people.  While I love them more than anything else in the world, I might like sleep just smidge more.

Let me break it down for you.  If any of the following things happen to you, ever, you need more sleep:

  1. You get to the grocery store and freak because you left your list at home … and can’t remember one thing that was on it … after thinking, sitting in the car for 32 minutes.
  2. You fall asleep.  Every.  Time.  You.  Sit.  Down.  That includes potty time.  Yours.
  3. You cry at an especially touching scene between Danny, Deej, Stephanie and Michelle Tanner while watching a rerun of Full House.
  4. You finally get the opportunity (and energy!) to shower and once you’re done and dried off (feeling refreshed!), you realize you never rinsed out your shampoo/conditioner.
  5. You hear your phone ringing … from inside the refrigerator.
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POWERBALL Fever!

Here are five things I will do when I win the big jackpot tonight:

  1. Make world peace happen.  I mean, seriously people, $500 million can make anything happen.
  2. Get my windshield replaced in my 8 year old car, with 118, 000 miles on it.  It’s just not badass when it gets bigger than a dollar bill, or so I hear.
  3. Go grocery shopping at the fanciest store in town and buy whatever I want.  That’ll be a couple mill right there.
  4. Give my family money (obligatory gesture, for their reading pleasure).
  5. Hire a nanny, or 47 so that I can finally GET SOME SLEEP.

All I want for Christmas

This afternoon my two and a half year old daughter said, “Ho, ho, ho me nuts.” Because I am her ultra-brilliant interpreter, I replied, “You want Santa to bring you nuts for Christmas?” “Yeeeeaaaahhh,” she said with a giant, adorable smile.

There are many ways this conversation could have gone, but being the understanding, open-minded mommy that I am, I said “Look at that cute puppy!”

Potty talk

First off, before I had kids, I despised the word “potty.” I told myself that when I had kids, I would never use that word. Well, now I do. And I’m not happy about it.

My two and a half year old daughter was using her little potty every day for a week or so and then just decided not to. My son did the same thing at her age (now, he’s almost 6), no biggie. But, like a lot of potty-trainers, she announces when she is going. “Mommy, pee.” “Mommy, poopies.” And I say “Do you want to use the potty?” “No, I’m good,” she says in her two year old accent. I die from insane cuteness every time. If you had told me this BK (before kids), I would have laughed and pushed you into oncoming traffic for gross toilet talk.

Welcome to [no] sleep and other hazards.

This is my first post.  Ever.  I have a lot of hilarious mom friends that kill me, on a daily basis and I am so lucky to have them in my life.  But they don’t have a blog and now I do, so I’m totally stealing their material.

I don’t claim to be any different or have anything special to say, that anything the 2.48 million other mom-bloggers haven’t already said, done or linked to.  I just really like to write down funny things and remember them for all eternity, to embarass myself, my children, husband and extended family members.

I’ve titled this site “[no] sleep, and other hazards” because I still can’t quite figure the whole kid, sleep thing out.  I’m not sure if sleep is the hazard (I know my two kids think that it is) or if no sleep is the hazard, but something here ain’t right.  I’m tired.  Really tired.  And most times my kids seem tired too.  And if you have kids, you know that’s hazardous.

Welcome here and to a wacky thing, I like to call life … with kids … and no sleep.